All our lives we’ve probably heard the expression “cooler heads will prevail” and given it mental assent, meaning we acknowledge it but really haven’t made much progress in allowing the truth of it to change our behavior. Preachers and managers know all about mental assent. They can inspire and motivate a group who on Monday morning start their week like a house afire, but by Wednesday can’t remember the details of what was said in last week’s meeting. We can hear, acknowledge, and accept the truth, but unless we do the work necessary to internalize it so that it actually changes our behavior, it doesn’t become much more valuable than just a firm nod or an amen. If we agree cooler heads will prevail, then why don’t we keep a cooler head and prevail? A wise man once said, “Speak when you are angry, and it will be the greatest speech you’ll ever regret”.
When we become overly emotional or “flooded”, we simply lose our ability to reason and process thoughts rationally, the very things we need the most at that moment. When someone is very angry or fearful we can stand right in front of them and loudly give them a perfect solution for their situation, and they simply cannot process what we just said. Our lips are moving and their ears are functioning, but they do not have the ability to act on our good advice. In times of high stress our brain shifts to the primal or “fight, flight, or freeze” area called the limbic system. It grabs the wheel from the rational area of our brain, stomps on the gas pedal and tries to either run away from the danger or run over whoever we’re angry with. Without our conscious approval it takes over driving our mental bus and has done so since we had to deal with our first sabre-toothed tiger. It’s natural, normal, and serves a very valuable purpose – self preservation. Sometimes we really need to flee a dangerous situation or prepare for real battle.
The problem arises when instead of a situation being one of self preservation, it’s just something that has made us mad or frightens us or both. Instead of a sabre-toothed tiger, we’re confronted by something or someone who just frustrates or infuriates us. And, guess what? BAM! Our pea brain jumps into the driver’s seat and away we go. Of course, it can drive us right off the cliff into a broken relationship, a ruined business negotiation, or an escalating confrontation on the side of the interstate.
In an instant, our ability to reason is lost, and our body is prepped to run like the wind or fight like the devil. Our vision narrows, sometimes called “tunnel vision”, our pulse rate quickens to deliver blood to our muscles for a maximum effort, chemicals flood our body with rocket fuel for the flight, and our body dumps ballast for lighter weight. And even though we may desperately want to prevail, instead of having a cool head we become a “hot head”, ready for battle when there is no real enemy to fight. In the next addition, I’ll offer some suggestions for how to keep a cool head and prevail.
Originally published in Beaumont Business Journal, Heat And Humanity Column
