It’s a time honored concept that to change one’s behavior and acquire a new habit one must fundamentally do two things: make the effort and repeat the behavior – do it and do it again until one doesn’t have to think about doing it or struggle to do it as it becomes a part of who we are and not just what we try to do. What motivates us to acquire a new habit is a subject for further consideration, but whether we have consciously decided to change our behavior or, perhaps, we’ve acquired a habit detrimental to our well being, when it comes to changing a bad habit or acquiring a new habit, one must make an effort and repeat that effort for, some say, at least thirty days. “E” effort and “R” repetition make up the first part of “ERSA” which when internalized along with “S” situational, and “A” awareness can make a vast improvement in our ability to avoid stress and conflict and, equally beneficial, equip us to manage conflict and confrontation in both our personal and professional lives.
Situational awareness is not a new concept having been used in law enforcement and military training for decades, and within the last twenty to thirty years it has increasingly been taught to civilians as part of personal protection training. Usually the environment for SA training has been one in which one’s person or group may be subjected to violence, crime, and physical threats. After all, since Sun Tzu’s teaching in the 5th century BC, being aware and, therefore, avoiding a risky, bloody, or costly confrontation has always been a smart tactic. SA is best understood by dividing awareness into four colors: WHITE – RELAXED, life is good, I don’t need to be aware of threats, I can kick back and relax in this environment, YELLOW – RELAXED AWARENESS, things are cool but I’m alert to possible changes in my environment and probably wouldn’t go to sleep on this bench at the dog park, ORANGE – SPECIFIC ALERT, I am aware of danger, a specific person may pose a threat to me, I’m formulating my escape/safety/protection plan, and, finally, RED – MENTAL TRIGGER, I am preparing to flee or fight, and do whatever is necessary to save my life and PREVAIL.
What could ERSA have to do with managing nonviolent conflict and confrontation in the workplace or in the public arena? Rather than waiting for conflict to occur and, worse, being unprepared for it several very effective things are available to us. Self awareness being Job One means we must first pay close attention to OURSELVES and become intimately acquainted with what “sets us off” or causes us to become emotionally flooded which, by the way, shuts down our ability to think clearly and puts us at further risk. There may be certain words which trigger us into irrationality, maybe even simple gestures like a deep sigh and eye roll of disapproval. Knowing what behaviors in others that we allow (and we do allow it even if unconsciously) to trigger our anger and frustration is a powerful first step in the process of managing confrontational situations as we keep a cool head since cooler heads DO prevail. It’s not unusual to be cooking right along in Condition White, and within a matter of seconds be grinding our teeth in Condition Red when someone across the counter from us blindsides us right out of left field with their words or behaviors. Being self aware minimizes and manages White to Red conditions, keeping our hands wisely and firmly on the wheel instead of getting head banged in the back of the conflict bus.
Finally, being self aware of our mental state prior to interacting with our families or business colleagues can make for a much smoother bus ride. I’ll never forget the wonderful teaching story by the late, Zig Zigler, in which he comically explained a boss’s exasperation and anger as he let several insignificant and irritable situations first thing in the morning get his goat and keep his goat throughout the entire day. One thing after another stoked his anger fires until he exploded in a verbal rant during which he revealed among other annoying events before work he’d tripped over the family tomcat on the back porch steps. A wise and brave assistant pointed out the boss’s and everyone else’s day would have gone better if he’d just kicked that cat off the porch instead of taking it out on his team all day! Before that meeting in which we expect friction, before that finger-snapping, West End Wanda steps up to our counter, and before the Church Lady crosses her arms and begins to dourly question our fashion choices Situational Awareness compels us to ask, “are we ready for this?” and with Effort and Repetition we can answer, “BRING IT!”.
Originally published in Beaumont Business Journal, Heat And Humanity Column
