They say the end of the year and the beginning of the new year is a good time for reflecting and reassessing, so let’s do just that. In a nutshell, human interaction dictates that conflict and confrontation are just a part of life. And mastering the skills to effectively avoid conflict and to manage it when it does occur will improve both our personal relationships and professional success. Just think for a minute about the quality of our lives if we were able to spend less time and energy having to go back to “fix things”. Rather than avoiding conflict, having the skills to head it off at the pass can not only free us from the physical and mental energy drain, it can create healthier relationships and build better teams.
Regarding leadership and management, a common misguided model of leadership proclaims the leader as the all-knowing, all-powerful “Fixer King”. One of the marks of a Master Manager is who equips others to learn to solve their own problems rather than becoming depending on the Fixer King to solve their problems for them. The essence of a true leader/manager is having the skill to teach others how to lead and manage and to enable them to do just that, not pretending to let go of the reins, so to speak, while maintaining the need to control everything. (By the way, pretending to let go of control and to empower others with a measure of autonomy without actually doing it is counterproductive and creates more disengagement, resentment, and problems than would have otherwise existed. People are reluctant to support and become loyal to leaders who participate in charades.)
Since most of our interpersonal, interaction skill sets were set in stone while we were mere children it takes three fundamental things to begin to improve them: awareness, effort, and repetition. We’ve all experienced coming in contact with people who, while mastering the technical aspects of a given field of expertise, were, nonetheless, dismal failures at the proverbial tasks of “winning friends and influencing people”. The superstars of business and industry are those who have done the hard work of becoming competent at inspiring and equipping others to succeed.
First, we need to take the brave steps of self evaluation and admitting there are areas in which we need to improve. Then through willful hard work with effort and repetition, we internalize what we learn and become unconsciously competent, meaning it becomes who we are, not what we do after having to think about it. By becoming unconsciously competent we eliminate the resource draining efforts of having to “go back and fix things”. People and things just don’t get “broke” to begin with.
On its most basic level, the ability to lead and manage others means becoming a consummate communicator. Without the skills to effectively listen and communicate, our best intentions and our highest technical skills become no less hamstrung than trying to run a race while only wearing one shoe. Therefore, improving our skills to listen, speak, inspire, and engage others become paramount in our professional careers and personal lives.
The single most powerful, personal tool we can develop is our ability to listen. Amazingly, it costs nothing yet yields immeasurable returns. Most people don’t really come to their supervisors for solutions. They just simply want to know another person has both understood what they meant and how they felt. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But how many times have you experienced going to your manager or supervisor and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt they both understood what you meant and how you felt? And when you HAVE experienced it, I’ll bet you not only remember it well, but that manager’s personal stock just went off the charts!
Regardless of our area of commerce, we are in the people business. Stress, conflict, confrontation, employee turnover, team sabotage, disengagement, and workplace violence can all be dramatically reduced by our learning to lead and manage with improved interpersonal skills. Better yet, doing so enriches our personal lives and inspires others to achieve their highest levels of success. “Less heat and more humanity” is the ultimate win/win!
Originally published in Beaumont Business Journal, Heat And Humanity Column
