Violence: workplace violence, road rage violence, domestic violence, violence between neighbors, violence among strangers, family violence, racial violence, political violence, religious violence, ethnic violence, urban violence, sectarian violence, tribal violence, senseless violence, random violence, strategic violence, righteous violence. And as the song says, “the beat goes on” literally and figuratively. The amalgamation of heat and humanity inevitably yields violence unless we intentionally apply ourselves personally to understanding it and dealing with it, and the refusal to do so sows the proverbial wind and reaps the violence whirlwind. Where and how do we begin? Authors Babin and Willink have challenged us to consider accountability begins at “home”, our “home”, the “home” within each of us. You, the reader, and I are responsible for dealing with violence. It begins with us, not with organizations, programs, or outside agencies but among you and I. How we prepare ourselves, equip ourselves, and dedicate ourselves to managing violence determines whether or not you and I can coexist in some measure of peace and tranquility. We are a microcosm of the world at large, and mastering the skills of interpersonal dialogue and mutual understanding build the foundation and determine whether or not the whole world eventually turns or burns. The urgent answers to the troubling questions of how to deal with violence and conflict must fundamentally be worked out in the arena of our daily relationships. The buck doesn’t just stop here, it also begins here. Whether or not we choose to acknowledge it, you and I are in a life dance together, and whether or not that dance, at best, becomes an act of grace and art as between Astaire and Rogers, or, at worst, an awkward and bloody struggle for domination, we ARE going to dance to life’s immutable music.
A few brief thoughts about the issue of “self defense” – resorting to the extreme end of the violence scale can, unfortunately, become necessary as in the instance of stopping the acts of a madman hellbent on harming the innocent, helpless, and vulnerable. I give thanks that brave men and women stand on the wall at night ready to do violence against evil as my family sleeps soundly in our beds. Even then, the taking of another human life is a cultural anathema, an unnatural, repugnant act that no civilized person relishes (that is, until they become coldly desensitized to violence, but that’s a topic for another day). Those that do relish extreme violence are the exception and not the norm. Even the act of self defense by extreme violence must be a measured choice of absolute last resort. Without a doubt the best advice I can offer is to read and become well versed in the scholarship of preeminent expert and author, Andrew Branca, whose, “The Law of Self Defense”, is absolutely essential. Trust doc on this one. Read this book. Study this book. Share this book. Operate within the guidelines of this book. Resorting to the use of deadly force even with the best of intentions means walking into a minefield of criminal and civil liability which can wreck lives and quickly lead to financial ruin. Make Andrew Branca your go-to authority on self defense of person or property regardless of whether or not you even own a firearm. He IS the man on this topic.
If, as I claim, the answer to violence begins with you and me, where then do we start in our quest to understand and avoid it? “Understand” is the key word. We must first be willing to change and learn new ways of thinking and behaving, a very uncomfortable proposition for most of us. An essential point is the mere act of seeking to understand does NOT mean sacrificing one’s foundational principles and beliefs. We don’t have to give up anything to gain understanding of those with which we disagree. For the calloused and cynical I propose that making the effort to understand one’s supposed enemies is one of the oldest and smartest tactical moves in the book with “the book” meaning Sun Tzu’s, “The Art Of War” created around the fifth century BC. A familiar, modern phrase sums it up nicely, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” meaning “intimately knowing and understanding those by whom you feel threatened may provide a winning advantage”. To those who desire to manage interpersonal conflict and violence not as a means to dominate but to peacefully coexist (or to diminish the friction within a winning team), acquiring the skills to objectively interact with others is a necessary first step. We can learn the skills of personal interaction. Ancient wisdom teaches us that what we don’t understand we fear, and what we fear we attack. Sun Tzu wisely proposes “the greatest victory is that which requires no battle”, and by developing the skills necessary to understand each other’s positions and interests you and I may very well find some common ground. Even if that small plot of ground only allows enough room for distant civility it very well may prove to be the difference between the possibility of fertile growth instead of scorched earth. In choosing the path of mutual understanding perhaps we can avoid the last resort.
Originally published in Beaumont Business Journal, Heat And Humanity Column
