The first challenge to resolving conflicts is to effectively prevent them. And I say “effectively” prevent them because ignoring and avoiding conflict most often only serves to amplify it and eventually does more damage than having just faced it early on. It’s been my experience that most people prefer to avoid and deflect conflict and confrontation, and there are many reasons for choosing to do so. Few have been trained to successfully deal with it while others may have been dominated and bullied into a life of perpetual silence and submission. However, for those who choose positions of leadership and management, no other skill surpasses that of bravely dealing with the inevitable heat generated by the friction of personal interaction in the workplace. The best firemen make the best managers. And universally, the fireman is admired for choosing to move headlong TOWARD the fire rather than away from it. Where does this self-sacrificing bravery reside within a person who repeatedly makes those kinds of choices? It resides within the soul. And from the soul radiates the qualities that attract team members and build their trust, dedication, and confidence.
Think for a minute of those for whom or with whom you’ve worked that you admire and consider courageous. Who chose to do the hard and brave things others avoided? Who stepped up, spoke up, and refused to “go along to get along”? Who stuck to their guns, risking prestige and power when others took the easy road and voted with the rest of the herd? We deeply admire people like that. We honor them and trust them, and we follow them. They exemplify leadership and great management. And what do they actually do that clearly demonstrates their character and bravery? They speak it. They give voice to it. And we are in awe of courageous speech. The voice emanates from our body and reveals our inner world, our soul. And if we try to mask it or mute it others recognize we are not really there. Our voice is personally revealing, and just the act of speaking out can be an act of bravery and resolve. Courageous, soul-filled speech is a learned and frightening experience. So, one may then ask, “How do I find my voice?”.
To begin with our voice may be that of the timorous little mouse, brittle and panicked. We want the voice of authority, but we may have avoided acknowledging that we are but squeakers. And having noticed it, and acknowledged it, and listened to it we can learn from it. Rather than mock and shame our mouse voice, we can accept that it has a place. It can teach us about our fears and why we choose not to speak out. The threats posed by workplace hierarchy and game playing may have squelched our voice of bravery and integrity until it’s but a mouse squeak. After all, we can’t overcome our fears until we are aware of them and face them. Rather than the ultimate motto of hubris, “No Fear”, I prefer the really courageous motto of “Know Fear”. By owning and accepting our fears we can begin the journey to become the Mouse That Roared.
The voice is truly the window of the soul and is extremely important to our identity. And it’s an accurate measure of our soul life. When we try to speak calmly when we are highly emotional we find it difficult to hide what we are really feeling, and, of course, those with whom we interact see us as clearly as a blinking neon sign. Our voice reveals us. And if there is a single, exceptional quality of superlative leaders and managers it is their courageous ability to go down to the dark places of their souls and deal with any and all things that restrain their resonant voice, and then speak their voice of truth and integrity which may boldly and firmly say, “No, I don’t think this plan is in the best interests of our company and our customers”, or, “Choosing this path will undermine the trust and confidence of our team and ultimately cost us their loyalty”. The Soul Manager is truly the manager others most admire, and speaking the truth the Soul Manager will inspire and motivate others in ways money, prestige, and position never will.
Originally published in Beaumont Business Journal, Heat And Humanity Column
