It’s no coincidence that the champions who personify grace and humility are the most exalted. Though the strutters and chest thumpers may have their moments in the sun, those who after winning remain modest and unassuming are remembered and revered throughout the ages. (I believe Muhammad Ali to have been the exception because of his playfulness and sense of humor.) Years ago I had the privilege of meeting such a humble champion, former Dallas Cowboys defensive end, Bob Lilly. I shook his hand and simply said, “Mr. Lilly, to me you define the word champion”. Mr. Lilly played 14 seasons in the NFL, was chosen All Pro in 11 of those 14 seasons and only missed one game in his entire professional career encompassing 196 games. He was the Cowboy’s first draft pick and their first player named to the NFL Hall of Fame. He was amazingly agile and quick, supremely intelligent, and strong as an ox, one of the greatest to ever play the game. Have no doubts though. On every play in every game he would attempt to hammer his opponents into a sweating heap of grass-stained defeat. To me he also defined what I see as the difference between arrogance and confidence – arrogance is self-interested and vain while confidence is deferential and respectful. Much has been written about the human ego, and when it comes to leading and building winning teams the ego is poison in the well of success.
Recently I have written about the superlative ideas and principles outlined by Leif Babin and Jocko Willinick in their new book, “Extreme Ownership”. After documenting and reinforcing the hard lessons learned as Navy Seal Team leaders and team members they penned a book related to professional and personal success. Regarding ego they write, “Ego clouds and disrupts everything”. Let’s stop right there. “Everything” is an absolute, and we should wary of using absolutes since when using them we can defeat ourselves and undermine our purpose and intention. As soon as we blurt out phrases such as “you always” or “you never” we create the risk that the other person or group will immediately shut down, become defensive and unable to hear whatever else we have to say, and clutter their minds while coming up with exceptions to the “always” and “never”. I’m certain you’ve experienced this in your own personal conversations. It only takes one exception to negate the absolute so we quickly sort through our mental files and throw back the exception to prove the other person wrong. Beware of absolutes. So, when exceptional leaders like Babin and Willinick propose that “Ego clouds everything”, we’d best take note. They go on to write, “It can even stifle someone’s sense of self-preservation”. (YIKES!) “Often, the most difficult ego to deal with is our own. When ego clouds our judgment and prevents us from seeing the world as it is (key John Boyd’s “Orientation” in his epic “OODA Loop”), then ego becomes destructive. When personal agendas become more important than the team and the overarching mission’s success, performance suffers and failure ensures”. One doesn’t have to have a degree in psychology to understand that when we turn the spotlight on ourselves we sow the seeds of failure. Ever been on a team where the leader personally sought all the glory? How’d that work out for you? How focused and engaged did you remain? Was it easy to put your heart and soul into the project?
Finally, the authors reinforce the timeless precept that it is counter intuitive to check our own ego instead of pointing a blaming finger. And if doing so was easy it wouldn’t be such a problem. The late, Colonel John Boyd, who was in my estimation one of the most brilliant thinkers and strategists in American history, and whose ideas have influenced militaries and businesses throughout the world said of the four principles of his famous OODA Loop: “Observe, Orient, Decide, Act”, observation is of supreme importance for it is in the process of orientation we must constantly reevaluate our own perceptions, assumptions, and prejudices to really “see the world as it is”. It is in this realm the ego lurks like a troll under our bridge to success. Ego not only undermines our strength it also clouds our judgment, and instead of seeing things clearly we are only able to perceive things through tinted glass. In the hyper pressurized arena of warfare and the super competitive arena of business ego is like a stubborn weed against which we must continually guard. With our personal radar ever vigilant and on the lookout for ego we can focus on what’s most important: “mission and the best way to accomplish it”.
Originally published in Beaumont Business Journal, Heat And Humanity Column
